Finding a way to help your parents declutter now, can save you heartache and stress when frail health or death occur. I know many middle aged adults talk about the dread of having to clear their parents belongings when they no longer live in the home. This process doesn’t have to be filled with dread, but can be a great way to reconnect now – and help one another.
Help to Keep Focus
By offering to help your parents declutter, along side them, you can help them keep focused with less distractions. Doing a large task that you aren’t looking forward to, by yourself, can be hard. Sitting beside your parent, focused on one small area for an hour or two can keep the declutter moving along. It’s also more fun to tackle a big task with someone else there along side of you.
Hear The Stories
You may not want your parent’s china, but hearing the story of how every pay cheque they bought one piece, and which pieces were gifts, and from who – those are all stories you will not get if you wait to do the decluttering until they leave the home or pass away. You can create great memories by sorting through their items, hearing the stories and learning about the people and situations that shaped their life. You may find you then cherish some of these items a little more once you know the background.
Make it Fun
Turn the decluttering into a fun event instead of a chore to be afraid of. Order in some take out, turn on some of your parent’s favorite music and turn it into a memory making event. Have a contest of who can fill a trash bag with 20 items no longer needed. Make a hide and seek to find all winter coats no longer fitting to donate to a local charity group. Each pick items to sell on Facebook Marketplace and see who can get the biggest return. Take a task they are dreading and turn it into a memory making event, for both of you.
Be Understanding
Realize that many of these items that feel worthless to you, might hold special value to your parent. Helping your parent declutter requires you to also give them space to grieve the changes in their life, loss of family and friends, things they bought they thought would be passed down that they now may find are worthless…it can be a hard emotional process for your parent. Work together with your parents to plan how often and how much time to work together on decluttering that feels managable for everyone involved.
Helping your parent declutter their home, starts with a conversation to see if they are open to the assistance. Make sure to highlight what you would get out of the experience – hearing the stories, spending time with them, feeling helpful to them. If necessary, start with a small fun session, and once you get through it, they might just ask when you can come next to help them tackle a little bit more.
And some parents and adult children just do not have the capacity to work together on decluttering a home. That is OK. Just know there is professional organizers who will work with mature adults to help them sort through their stuff and determine what to keep, what to donate and what to sell. I always encourage my senior clients to do the decluttering when you have control over what is kept and what is not. Having a health crisis or passing away, may mean that others make that choice for you.
